Just finished watching the new episode of The Vampire Diaries - felt a bit uneven, but I'll admit I've been hyper-critical lately and having troubles focusing, which I know sounds like an oxymoron.

The Damon character is fascinating me, particularly in how they juxtaposed his behavior tonight with two other characters, Julie the werewolf and Rose the 506 year old vampire.



We have Rose - who I really hoped they'd keep alive for a few more episodes. Rose, we barely knew you.
This is my difficulty with TVD - they keep killing off cool female characters that I adore. First Anna, now Rose. What's with that? Also, does not help, that these two women looked like older and younger versions of each other, were different looking than all the other female members of the cast, and actually had some bite to their performance. This show also seems to like to kill off black maintenance men. And dumb blonds. Other than that? No real quibbles. Well, except that I find Julie boring - which means she'll probably stick around for a bit. The werewolf storyline doesn't intrigue me all that much, except for Tyler and what a bite can do to a vampire.

Anyhow...what was I saying? Oh yeah, Damon is beginning to feel. And has no idea how to handle it. The person, the only person who'd figured it out and understood him, was Rose.

Rose states she wasn't meant to be evil. That the worst part of being dead - is the thirst, the desire to hunt, to kill...she always hated killing humans, yet she feels compelled to. And she tells Elena that Damon is like she is, he doesn't want to feel, when he feels he runs from it. Turns away.
Because it hurts too much. All of it hurts.

When Rose goes maniac - she kills three humans, before Damon stops her. You get the feeling she didn't intend to. It's rage, out of her control.

Then there's Julie the werewolf - who tears apart an entire campground of people after her attack on Damon and Rose. Unlike Tyler - she didn't take any measures to prevent this from happening.
At first you think she's distressed by it. But when the cop comes on the scene and calls it in, she ruthlessly and brutally kills him - instead of letting him live and playing her part.

Finally Damon, after Rose dies - he tells Elena, he doesn't care. She doesn't believe him. He says people die. Then finally he admits that he cares and states that what makes it even worse - was that it was supposed to be him. Julie had come to kill him. She'd meant to kill him. Elena surprised states : "you feel quilty". And he turns from it. Tells her to leave. But instead she calls him her friend and hugs him - which seems to tear at him even more. So much more, he gets drunk and we see a sort of repeat of episode one of the series - with Damon lying in the road, a lone woman stopping, he springs up and yet, instead of just killing her - he talks instead. An existential rant. He wants to kill her - he feels he should kill her. It would feel better if he dead. He wants to go back to being the killer who doesn't care, who feels nothing - the way he's been for 100 some years. If he kills her, will it work? Won't it? He does and unlike Julie, you can see that he's torn up about it - his eyes blood-shot and haunted like Rose's after she killed those three people. Torn at regret, wanting to go back to not caring to not feeling. It makes me think of the drunk or addict - who wants to escape. To feel comfortably numb. Also reminds me a little of Spike and Angel and Darla in Angel and Buffy, who go through similar journeys - wanting to forget, not feel, not hurt.

I rather like this psychology theme or trope - obviously, since I keep searching out stories that examine it and am compelled by them. Was equally compelled by Being Human's Mitchell, George, Nina and Lucy storyline which was achingly similar. The pangs of conscience. The pangs of caring about someone else.



Off to bed and sigh, another day spinning my wheels. I've written so much in this thing this month that I fear you've grown weary of my opinionated blather, because let's face it I'm anything if not incredibly opinionated. ;-)