This is maybe too much information, but I had a therapy appointment once where I tried to explain the BtVS fandom thing. It didn't really work. I think she eventually got that I was trying to explain that it was a way of dealing with existential issues and ideas and connecting to people about the human condition. But it still didn't quite work. It's a little hard to explain fandom to people outside it. And how the weird sectarian nature of fandom can cause connection or division.
I think the thing that I find hardest about opinions which diverge with mine isn't that other people are "wrong" or even have different opinions than mine...but that I struggle with the confidence to believe that I'm still "right," not even in a universal sense, but for me. That if someone believes Character X is the ideal representation of everything wrong with the world (where X is a variable, and not standing in for Xander, though actually...), that this doesn't reflect badly on me for thinking otherwise. And there's the expression about never walking into the same stream twice. I don't know for sure that my reactions are authentic -- and if someone else seems so much surer of their take than I am of mine, does that mean that my views (which are based on values, emotional connections, etc.) are illegitimate, or fake, or inauthentic? Am I deluded, or am I genuinely so different from others that I might as well be a pariah, even if the difference is on some point which most of the world would consider trivial?
I *think* I'm getting better at this type of thing. But it's a bit of a struggle. And it's hard to connect to others at times, when there's always a nagging sense that I'm not so sure of what I'm saying, and I am trying to be honest but also trying not to spend every few sentences loudly proclaiming that I'm not so sure of what I'm saying. And to try not to get into arguments with people who disagree with me because what I really want is to convince myself. Discussions are fine, of course.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2016-10-28 07:37 pm (UTC)I think the thing that I find hardest about opinions which diverge with mine isn't that other people are "wrong" or even have different opinions than mine...but that I struggle with the confidence to believe that I'm still "right," not even in a universal sense, but for me. That if someone believes Character X is the ideal representation of everything wrong with the world (where X is a variable, and not standing in for Xander, though actually...), that this doesn't reflect badly on me for thinking otherwise. And there's the expression about never walking into the same stream twice. I don't know for sure that my reactions are authentic -- and if someone else seems so much surer of their take than I am of mine, does that mean that my views (which are based on values, emotional connections, etc.) are illegitimate, or fake, or inauthentic? Am I deluded, or am I genuinely so different from others that I might as well be a pariah, even if the difference is on some point which most of the world would consider trivial?
I *think* I'm getting better at this type of thing. But it's a bit of a struggle. And it's hard to connect to others at times, when there's always a nagging sense that I'm not so sure of what I'm saying, and I am trying to be honest but also trying not to spend every few sentences loudly proclaiming that I'm not so sure of what I'm saying. And to try not to get into arguments with people who disagree with me because what I really want is to convince myself. Discussions are fine, of course.